It’s opening day for Major League Baseball! Time to grab an otherworldly sized hotdog loaded with condiments and slowly but steadily become too drunk to stand from the bleacher seats after one too many shitty domestic beers.
With Opening Day poised to become a nationally recognized holiday, we have a few burning questions that are soon to be answered about the 2014 MLB season.
1) Will Miguel Cabrera live up to that ridiculous 10-year contract of $292 million? Can he win a 3rd consecutive MVP award? Better yet, does he possibly have time to spend the $30 million he’ll get in a year during the offseason?
2) Will the New York Yankees finally get their shit together in the Captain’s final year? Can Masahiro Tanaka become the ace the pitching rotation needs to compliment CC? Will obnoxious NY fans start emerging from the shadows? Please, say it ain’t so.
3) Can the Oakland A’s get a reputable plumber to fix their dilapidated clubhouse already?
4) Will Yasiel Puig continue his reign as the breakout star for the Dodgers? Also, how do you not love this guy?
5) How much will disgraced 3rd baseman Alex Rodriguez dominate the headlines despite being suspended for the entire 2014 MLB season?
6) Is giving managers the power to review 1 play per game going to make the game any better? Also, will it ruin those awesome temper tantrums that lead to ejections?
7) Who is the worst team in baseball and why is the Houston Astros?
8) How will the league react to Ryan Braun’s return following his PED drama?
9) Will the Detroit Tigers finally close the gap and win that elusive title with Verlander in his prime?
10) Can the Red Sox repeat their impressive and unexpected title efforts? What’s the biggest hurdle they’ll face making it through October?
Good luck, fans. Here’s to a great season.