The Stupidest/Coolest Things About Grand Theft Auto V

 Grand Theft Auto 5 is the greatest thing, ever

Like virtually every man child under the sun, I have been playing a grotesque amount of Grand Theft Auto V. Considering the Grand Theft Auto franchise has been alive and well since 1997, there’s a certain nostalgia that comes with throwing an elderly woman to the ground and stealing her Prius, slamming a hot dog vendor into a brick wall at 70 mph, only to be shot down by a sniper perched on the edge of a police helicopter. Another day in Los Santos.

Grand Theft Auto has been criticized heavily in the press, but I’m willing to bet it’s just the echo of thousands of angry parents who have no idea how to police their children. Be that as it may, that didn’t stop Grand Theft Auto 5 from quickly setting some crazy records. Here’s a few …

  • Bestselling action-adventure video game in 24 hours
  • Bestselling video game in 24 hours
  • Fastest entertainment property to gross $1 billion
  • Fastest video game to gross $1 billion

My girlfriend might really hate GTA 5, but these are the things that make it so, so wonderful. Of course you’ll want to remember to buy modafinil before hand to make the long days of GTA easier.

Leaving no man behind!

grand theft auto v

Channeling Mission Impossible!

tom cruise

Drag racing!

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Watching dogs hump each other!

dogs

Riding motorcycles on dead bodies!

blood spray

Waterboarding!

waterboarding

Landscaping!

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Yoga!

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Making it rain!

make it rain

Mass murder!

mass murder