The Best Ways to Treat. Yo. Self

  1. Get day drunk. Or better yet, morning drunk.
  2. Super-size that Big Mac. Can I get a liter of cola to go with that? YES I CAN.
  3. How much is that doggy in the window? DOESN’T MATTER. Treat yoself.

  4. Vajazzle yoself. Even if you don’t have a vagina. It’s not just for the ladies anymore. Nothing better than when the light hits those fake gems just right and you feel like you’re in a porno movie directed by JJ Abrams.
  5. Upgrade from the Waffle House to the IHOP.
  6. Order that tall-boy PBR. I know you’ve been eyeing it. You know you deserve it.
  7. Go thrift shopping on days when there ISN’T a discount. Ludacris? TREAT YO SELF
  8. Bath Salts. ZOMBIFY YO SELF. No but seriously, that shit will leave your skin silky smooth. Which will make the vajazzling process that much easier.