10 Things I Would Rather See at Coachella 2013

1. Mick Jagger Breaking His Hip

2. Postal Service Reunion Decides to go dubstep

3. Mary Kate and Ashley debut their new grindcore band

4. Wu Tang Clan talk about the importance of gender equality and animal rights

5. Sigur Ros causing mass breakouts of sobbing , kills “Coachella chillwave buzz”

6. Grimes making contact with alien forces who use laser beams from UFOs as strobe lights during “Oblivion.”

7. Daft Punk takes off  masks to reveal they are ugly after all

8. Ke$ha declares there is no god at the apex of her performance then welcomes fans to after party at Church of LSD

9. A$AP Rocky and Spaceghostpurrp sharing a tender moment of reconciliation, exchange tender kiss

10. Hologram of Wesley Willis performing “I Whipped Spiderman’s Ass”