Dunkaroos
This snack, made from cookies and real frosting, hit legendary status when viral rumors announced the product was discontinued by Betty Crocker. Although I haven’t had these in nearly 20 years and still have a craving, something tells me rediscovery will forever tarnish their now sacred canon. Chances are I was just hungry for diabetes as a child.
LA Lights
The crown jewel of the now defunct LA Gear brand, LA Lights turned normal footwear conventions on their head for the majority of 90s kids, because, well, lights! There were few things as satisfying as donning a new pair of lights for white suburban kids everywhere. Whereas you thought you were being edgy, your parents were just relieved they could spot you immediately playing in the dark.
Wishbone
If I had to put my own sense of humor in a nutshell, I’d describe it as ‘talking animals’ because it’s just so stupid. This was born out of my immense cynicism for shows I was just a little too old for like Wishbone, featuring an ambiguously gay Jack Russell Terrier with a keen nose for classic literature and bad puns. I personally consider Fraiser a spinoff of Wishbone because it has a similar dog and everyone talks like Wishbone. Incidentally I also blame Wishbone for my decision to major in English.
Hanson
I lied to my parents that every student was assigned a music related project that required the purchase of an actual CD and scored big. In the weeks following my big purchase, I’d bring what I deigned the ‘kaboom box’ into the bathroom and blare entire debut album by Hanson (they’re brothers!) in one sitting. So powerful was their influence, I even took drum lessons for a couple weeks only to drop out entirely when I was too bashful to ask my cool teacher how to play MMMBop.
Surge
It took more than the average soda to quench my thirst while bent over my computer screen, playing the living shit out of Diablo and Command and Conquer: Red Alert. Surge had a certain crispness to it, and probably loads and loads of sugar as well. When Mt Dew: Code Red inevitably dethroned Surge, this delicious citrus soda was lost to time. A can of this is pretty much a relic these days.
Pogs
Ah, gambling for kids. Pogs were certainly the root of many arguments between my brother and I during much of 1995. I specifically miss Bigfoot Slammers, the giant hockey puck slammers that smelled like blueberries with individual grooves for your fingers. How did this not somehow become a drinking game?
Hit Clips
Hit Clips tried to create a new medium that would surpass the Walkman by being entirely more one-dimensional. What could possibly be better than carrying a physical copy of your favorite track around? The clips were almost designed to be carried around in a fanny pack and that in itself is an excellent thing.
