Nearly 1 million people get divorced each year. For many of those couples, signs that a split is coming are apparent for months or even years before separation occurs.
Being able to see signs you’re headed for divorce early can give you the time you need to potentially save your marriage. If you’re not sure what elements within a relationship signify moving in a bad direction, keep reading to find out what to watch out for.
1. You Don’t Say Good Things About Your Partner
Most of us have a social circle that exists outside of our partners. That social circle might include our family members or a handful of close friends.
Inevitably, when you’re hanging out with other people, questions about your partner will come up.
When you’re asked those questions, do you tend to speak favorably or take those questions as an opportunity to open up about how discontent you are with your relationship?
If you gravitate towards the latter, a divorce could be in the cards for you if you don’t work on managing whatever animosity you have for your significant other.
2. Defensiveness is Pervasive
Defensiveness in relationships is one of the most common signs you’re headed for divorce. It may be that you’re constantly walking on eggshells when you’re communicating with your partner. Maybe you have knee-jerk reactions to everything your spouse says.
Whatever the case may be, if defensiveness is a common theme in your relationship, work with your partner to become more trusting of one another’s intentions.
3. Criticism Comes Easier Than Compliments
People usually do more good than bad. Still, we tend to highlight what others do wrong as opposed to celebrating their accomplishments.
If you’re incapable of celebrating your partner’s accomplishments and instead lament on everything they’re failing at, you’ve got problems. The more you focus on your partner’s negative qualities and ignore what they have going for them, the less desirable they’ll be to you.
4. Sex is Slow
Sex isn’t everything in a relationship but it is a big part. Partners that were once regularly sexually active but now find it burdensome to be intimate have underlying issues that should be explored immediately.
A relationship without pleasurable sexual experiences is one that’s not likely to last long.
5. You Daydream About Other Lovers
Making the most out of the relationship you’re in should be your sole-focus when you’re in a committed partnership. if you’re less vested in where you’re at and more vested in fantasies of past partners or “ones that got away”, you’re experiencing one of the most obvious signs you’re headed for divorce.
The best way to become more present in your relationship is to take time each day to appreciate how lucky you are to have the lover you have and to stop glorifying fantasies of how green the grass is on the other side of the hill.
6. Stonewalling is Common
Communication is key to working through relationship problems. Partners that prefer to not work through problems will find that all of the pent up aggravation that isn’t dealt with will eventually become too much.
Make it clear to your partner that no matter what the issues are between you two, you’re always open to working through them. If you can create conditions where your partner feels safe expressing themselves to you, you’ll find that your relationship will be much more fulfilling.
7. Emotional or Physical Affairs Are Going On
Whether you’re cheating physically or emotionally, having an affair almost always brings relationships to an end. If affairs are common in your relationship, be honest with your partner and yourself about how vested you both are in your marriage.
It may be that one or both of you would be happier if free to explore other options.
8. Having Kids Is a Point of Contention
It’s said that one cannot compromise when it comes to having kids. If you want kids and your partner doesn’t, going along with their wishes on the matter will make you resentful and regretful later down line. The same may be true the other way.
You should be honest with your partner about your willingness to have kids before getting married. If you’re struggling with this disagreement post-marriage, divorce might be the healthiest option.
9. Refusal to Consider Counseling
Breaking down walls can be hard in a relationship, especially if partners have become distrustful of each other. In these cases, counseling can be a healthy option that enables communication to flow and wounds to heal.
If you or your partner are not open to exploring counseling when you hit an impasse, divorce is likely inevitable.
Remember, while letting a stranger into your relationship might seem like a vulnerable thing to do, you’ll find that working with the right counselor can do wonders to improve your life or at the very least, help you to amicably delay divorce during holiday periods or other busy times. You can learn more about the virtues of delaying a divorce online.
Knowing Signs You’re Headed for Divorce Is the Easy Part…
Signs you’re headed for divorce are usually transparent, especially when you know what to look for. That’s why identifying negative patterns isn’t anywhere near as hard as fixing them.
Now that you know what to watch out for in your relationship, our challenge to you is to be proactive in fixing any issues you come across, even if doing so makes you uncomfortable. With a little bit of effort, we’re confident that you and your partner can push towards a happier marriage.
If you need help along the way, feel free to check out more of the lifestyle content on our blog.