In Honor of National Donut Day – 14 Sexy Donuts — SCIENTISTS HATE #5 — YOU WON’T BELIEVE #12 [NSFW]

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As you probably know from your favorite social media outlet, today is National Donut Day — a commercial holiday jammed down our throats by Big Donut

, those cutthroat donut lobbyists that don’t care about your health or well-being and only care about lining their fat pockets while you line your fat arteries with bad cholesterol. (Speaking of Cholesterol—we’re putting Big Cholesterol on blast soon so check that out when it hears your earballs.)

Hey but look today is not a day for cynicism, today is a

National Holiday

a sacred time for reverence that we only celebrate once a year on

National Donut Day

a day that will one day be as big as other made-up holidays such as Christmas, Ramadan, and Passover. So chill out with your donut hate for 2 seconds and just enjoy these sexy donut pics.

1. The Donut Ice Kream Sandwich – c/o Krispy Kreme
donuticecream

As you can see this is actually two donuts, which means you’ll be celebrating twice as hard. In the middle is (rapidly melting) ice cream with chocolate shavings.

2. Big Donut – c/o Reddit.com

bigdonut

This donut is from Texas, probably.

3. Donut Burger – Burger Bar/ Reddit

donutburger

The burger “patty” is made out of nutella mousse, the cheese is some sort of gelatin, throw in kiwis for pickles and strawberries for tomatoes, and you’ve got yourself a pretty burgery looking donut creation. But wait on this, there are more donut burgers in store. Or one more.

4. Fancy Square Donuts – c/o fashionhyper.com

fancysquaredonuts

Little works of art if you ask me. From the background, clockwise–you’ve got elevated takes on oreo donut, peanut butter cup donut, and then just some super choco-chocolate donut. And these are square so they are really really artisanal and cool.

5. Cinnamon Waffle Donut – c/o uncredited

cinnamonwaffle_donut

Please someone email the recipe of this to morgan@modernthrill.com.

6. Donut Burger with Bacon

donutburgerbacon

I kinda just want to eat the bacon out of this one, and I do have a criticism over their height to thickness ratio on that burger. Burgers aren’t supposed to be spheres. But hey its a holiday.

7. Blueberry Crumb Donut – c/o miamifoodpug.tumblr.com

blueberrycrumbdonut

This is probably my favorite one of the list, from a strictly aesthetic point of view. Those fancy square ones were trying to hard but these rustic old donut mashups (COBBLERxDONUTx2016) are trying just the right amount.

8. Blueberry Glaze Donut — favim.com

blueberryglazedonut

Maybe you’re not a crumb fan, and you prefer the glaze. These little guys look gorge but if we’re really splitting hairs–if we’re really getting down to brass tacks–if we’re really going to pick nits–if we’re really going to chop logic–if we’re really going to quibble quabble and ballyhoo then I gotta say these are frosted BAGELS. Damn near english muffin territory if you look at the texture of that bread.

9. California Strawberry Donut – The Donut Man

strawberrydonut

If you are anything like me, you probably remember these donuts being part of the little “film a segment on location” challenge on the Damaris season of Food Network Star. This nice old man that owns the shop makes these by hand every day and doesn’t skimp on the fresh strawberries. Also I learned from the Food Network episode that they are made with potato flour WOWIE.

10. Pinky Glaze – im-hongry.tumblr.com

pinkyglaze_simpsons

This is the donut that Homer would select.

11. Chocolate Balls Donut – burpple.com

chocolateballsdonut

Each of the chocolate balls on this donut have potentially different filling. The different varieties of choco-ball innards include: coconut, crisped rice, caramel, solid milk chocolate, mdma, blueberry, cinnamon sugar, poop, candy, glue, tartar sauce and white chocolate macadamia.

12. “The Squealing Pig” — c/o gourdoughs.com

porkjellydonut

I wouldn’t have even guessed “donut,” had this image not come up in a google image results search for “donut foodporn,” but I believe that there is a donut at the foundation of this open-faced sandwich. You have pork belly, cream cheese, bacon and jalapeño jam in there. If you look closely you can see like 50 jalapeño seeds in that jam, so I’m pretty sure thats where the “squealing” part of the name comes from.

13.

14.

Thirteen and Fourteen were decoy list items, because “12” sounds too round and dozeny. We’re edgy over here, and we don’t conform to your standard conformations.

So there you have it. Here is a dope listicle about a trending topic. Did you believe #12? What about 13 and 14?