Transcripts From an Internet Chat Room, Volume I

In my latest journalistic efforts, I investigate whether Internet chat rooms are still a thing. It took me all of five minutes to discover, yes, sadly, they are still in abundance. 

The second part of my assignment? Seeing how long I could have the stupidest conversation possible with some kid inside the chat room. I selected my terrific screen name of ‘BigBopper88’ and was well on my way.

I sent a private message to a dude who identified himself as ‘Timmie’. Our conversation lasted 42 minutes and 36 seconds.

What follows is a transcript of our chat.

Please enjoy this, the worst thing I have ever (partly) written (50% of anyway) for Modern Thrill.

 

BigBopper88: Haha skateboarding!

skateboarding

Timmie: what?

BigBopper88: I’m a kid, like you 🙂

BigBopper88: What’s shakin?

Timmie: okay wait a minute

Timmie: kid like me, how old are you?

BigBopper88: I’m 16!

Timmie: okay, sorry

Timmie: just didn’t expect a 16y old to say kid like you

BigBopper88: Are you a young guy like me?!

Timmie: yes

Timmie: I’m 15

BigBopper88: Cool! Chatting is awesome!

Timmie: haha I know

BigBopper88: My friend Jake does weed

smoking gangsta skeleton

Timmie: where are you from?

BigBopper88: Kentucky

BigBopper88: Did you ever do weed?

Timmie: cool, and no

Timmie: never

BigBopper88: yeah, no thanks!

BigBopper88: My friend Jake, if he ever asks me to do weed with him, I should polly just say no?

Timmie: yes

Timmie: if you don’t want it just don’t know it

BigBopper88: Jake calls me a pussy and hits my arm sometimes

BigBopper88: He’s a jerk

Timmie: he calls you a?

BigBopper88: pus sy cat

BigBopper88: He’s like, “cmon, you pus sy just do this weed”

Timmie: okay

Timmie: how old is he?

BigBopper88: He’s 32

BigBopper88: My step dad

Timmie: oh wow

Timmie: I thought like 17 or something

Timmie: just don’t say you want to do drugs

BigBopper88: I don’t

Timmie: and if he is bullying you again you say: I don’t want to lose my mind

BigBopper88: haha just do the skateboards

Timmie: also good

BigBopper88: skateboarding makes me lose my FRIGGIN BRAIN!

BigBopper88: You have to land the tricks

BigBopper88: all of them

Timmie: that is cool

BigBopper88: did you try it before?

Timmie: no

Timmie: I can’t skateboard

Timmie: I can only snowboad

BigBopper88: why? no legs?

Timmie: snowboard

snowboarder

BigBopper88: oh cool!

Timmie: I have legs, it just isn’t that popular here

BigBopper88: Cool, I have legs too

BigBopper88: where u live?

Timmie: Holland

BigBopper88: woah!

Timmie: most people have legs

BigBopper88: so true lol

Timmie: haha

Timmie: and yes Holland is farfar far away

BigBopper88: my uncle jon can throw a baseball sooo far!

BigBopper88: maybe to holland!

uncle jon baseball

Timmie: sure I think he can

BigBopper88: he doesn’t have legs though

BigBopper88: for real

Timmie: o wow, im sorry

BigBopper88: nah it’s cool

BigBopper88: you guys have pizza in holland?

Timmie: haha ofcourse

pizza

Timmie: Holland is a multiculture country

BigBopper88: do you guys have cars and stuff? or horses?

Timmie: okay

Timmie: you know that cars and stuff is normal around the world

Timmie: and holland is in europe

BigBopper88: well, wait a minute

BigBopper88: don’t you guys also not use electricity?

BigBopper88: thought holland was old fashion!

Timmie: and there was a timewhen Holland owned New York

Timmie: hahah serious?

BigBopper88: ya

BigBopper88: I watched a movie on tv bout it

BigBopper88: breaking amish?

amish

Timmie: never watched it

Timmie: but yu know that America isn’t the most developed country?

BigBopper88: I think it is

BigBopper88: we have all the sports

Timmie: haha UK and Holland are the same

Timmie: korfball?

BigBopper88: not real

Timmie: yes we are

BigBopper88: korfball isn’t real

Timmie: the UK and Holland are as much developed as America

Timmie: and just because you have more sports doesn’t mean you’re better

BigBopper88: well, we’re not better, I’m not saying that

BigBopper88: but it’s hard to look past you guys not having a nfl team

tom-brady-uniform

Timmie: also not the most developed country

Timmie: that isn’t everything in live

Timmie: and the sport is kinda

Timmie: uh

Timmie: for neandertahl..

fred flinstone

BigBopper88: what’s that?

Timmie: okay

BigBopper88: lol whatever tho

BigBopper88: hey what’re u guys doing for 4th of july?

Timmie: the people who just developed to become humans

Timmie: you know that isn’t a celebration day everywhere?

BigBopper88: lol ya right

BigBopper88: that’s the day u guys won indepedence

independence day will smith

Timmie: u guys?

BigBopper88: ya lol

Timmie: who are us guys?

BigBopper88: you guys, the hollandians

Timmie: you call the people dutch

BigBopper88: no, I call my waffles that!

BigBopper88: LOL

Timmie: I’m pretty sure I’m Dutch

BigBopper88: what does that make me?

BigBopper88: pancakes? lol

BigBopper88: my uncle jon one time are like 6 pancakes

pancakes

BigBopper88: it was disgusting

Timmie: okay, you don’t know a lot about the world do you?

BigBopper88: I know enough to get PAPER

Timmie: what?

BigBopper88: To make the moola!

BigBopper88: What do you guys use for money in Holland?

Timmie: the what?

Timmie: oh

Timmie: we use Euros

Timmie: like the German, French, Spanish

BigBopper88: okay wait

BigBopper88: you guys can’t all use the same money

BigBopper88: then you’d have to use the same wallets

Timmie: eh..

Timmie: no

Timmie: youcan look it up

BigBopper88: where?

Timmie: people in europe use euros except for some countries

Timmie: google.com

BigBopper88: I use bing

Timmie: also good

BigBopper88: so wait

BigBopper88: let me run this past you

BigBopper88: A Frenchian goes to Dutch and uses his money in the wallet to pay for, Idk, like a fruit or something — you’re telling me that the Dutch give back Frenchian coins?

Timmie: French;

Timmie: Holland

Timmie: no

Timmie: we give them euros back

BigBopper88: how do they make french bread?

BigBopper88: it’s sooo good

french

Timmie: The same as dutch people?

BigBopper88: Dutch make french bread?

Timmie: I don’t know if there is a difference

Timmie: unless you think that the bread of the french are baguettes..

BigBopper88: bread is soo soft

Timmie: haha okay

BigBopper88: I bet if you jump from airplanes low enough and land on a big bread you’d live and not die

skydiver

Timmie: can I ask you something?

BigBopper88: no

Timmie: I can’t ask you something?

BigBopper88: what?

Timmie: what?

BigBopper88: ask it

Timmie: what do you know about the world?

BigBopper88: hmm

BigBopper88: it’s big

BigBopper88: and I can skateboard in it lol

skateboarder

Timmie: okay

Timmie: you’re not really knowing about the world, haha

BigBopper88: why?

Timmie: cause you think holland was old fashion, youdon’t know about the euro

Timmie: and that kind of stuff

BigBopper88: I know the euro

gyro

BigBopper88: I eat those all t he time

Timmie: what?

BigBopper88: have you been in a hot air balloon?

BigBopper88: would you?

Timmie: nope

Timmie: yes I would

hot air balloon

BigBopper88: not me man

BigBopper88: gives me the willies

BigBopper88: have you been in a airplane?

Timmie: yes i have been

BigBopper88: were u flying it?

Timmie: no

Timmie: I’m15

BigBopper88: why do u want to be a pilot?

Timmie: no

BigBopper88: dats kewl

Timmie: that I don’t want to be a pilote?

pilots

BigBopper88: whatever floats ur boat

Timmie: what?

Timmie: floats my boat?

BigBopper88: what’s ur favorite food?

Timmie: spaghetti

BigBopper88: that has to suck, having to go to italy from holland to get it

Timmie: hahahaha

Timmie: I can make it in Holland

Timmie: you can make spaghetti in America too

BigBopper88: How do you make spaghetti?

Timmie: with some water. meat, spaghetti sauce

Timmie: and spaghetti ofcourse

spaghetti

BigBopper88: dats kewl

Timmie: can’t you cook?

BigBopper88: ya I use the microwave all the time

Timmie: you do?

Timmie: ugh

Timmie: I can cook lukcily

BigBopper88: cooking is for girls

BigBopper88: least in America

BigBopper88: I have diabetes

diabetes

Timmie: that is dumb to say

BigBopper88: well sorry I have it

Timmie: oh tahat succk

BigBopper88: why is it dumb to say I have diabetes?

Timmie: no not that

BigBopper88: no the doctor said I had it

Timmie: I mentit about cooking in US

Timmie: but having diabetes isn’t that hard right?

BigBopper88: nah, it’s kewl

BigBopper88: if u had 1 million bucks what would u buy?

Timmie: I know lot of diabetes

BigBopper88: you can’t buy lots of diabetes, you just get it

Timmie: i know

Timmie: I ment I know a lot about diabetes

BigBopper88: if u had 1 million bucks what would u buy?

Timmie: uhm

Timmie: a house

3 little pigs house