Overly Sarcastic Boyfriend Goes To The Mall

Boy, what a day.

Just when I didn’t think life could get any sweeter after recovering from the flu and getting an oil change, Amanda surprised me with a trip to the outlets. I was so excited.

Of course, parking any further than 50 feet away from Nordstrom was out of the question. Fortunately, Amanda drove around the entire parking lot to find the perfect place to park, saving us valuable time in the process. I am such a lucky boyfriend.

I was personally looking forward to all the teenagers that would be there. Who can resist their witticism? Get this: weeks before, walking out of Sunglass Hut, they had me pegged as a dimwitted homosexual. Classic.

I was simply chomping at the bit to go to Victoria’s Secret. I was just so anxious to use the entirety of my hard earned paycheck on Amanda – who wants to pay off their credit cards when you can buy more bras?

Let me tell you, just outside the changing rooms is a terrific place to be. No one looks at you funny when you’re the only male in a sexy lingerie store, especially mothers. No, I’m not here to ogle your underage daughter, just a huge fan of panties.

When I finally scratched my bra shopping itch – Amanda had to drag me away – it was time for the best lunch I ever had in my life. Amanda picked a totally sensible place to eat, Rainforest Café. The stale mozzarella sticks were to die for, and reasonably priced at $10. My mouth is watering just thinking about them all over again.

Oh, I almost forgot. Amanda treated me to a movie called Les Miserables. My rule of thumb: never see a movie unless everyone is singing. Spoiler alert: everyone dies. Everyone.

Couldn’t have asked for a better way to spend my Saturday.