Now You See Me: Why the hell was this movie made?

“We all fired our agents”

Two movies premiered this week. One features two of Hollywood’s biggest leading men engaging in homosexual intercourse, sharing a bath,and  tenderly kissing one another.  The second is the gayest movie ever made. I saw the trailer for Now You See Me a couple months back when I was rewatching Django Unchained and I legitimately thought it was a joke. Remember when you would go to AMC theaters and there would be a fake trailer that was ruined by the ringing of  a cell phone? This thing here.

It never came. There was no Nokia ring tone to save the human race from the reality that this film was actually made. Now I’m not usually in the habit of hating on a movie if I haven’t seen it. I wanted to hate Movie 43 before I watched any of it but I bit my tongue until I saw a couple sketches online. It was as bad as I thought it would be. But with Now You See Me I can’t even get past the premise. There are a bunch of magicians who are robbing banks using magic. But is it real magic or are they just incredibly talented illusionists? There is another aspect that I saw in the trailer that made me cringe. The whole “get back at the banks” thing. Seriously? We get it. Goldman Sachs fucked the American people over in 2008. So how should we the people get back at the rampant consumerism practiced by the banks? By paying 12 dollars for a multi-million dollar budget movie.

But I’m not really going to pretend that some idealistic anti-consumerism is why I am upset that this movie was made. I am upset that this movie was made because just look at it! They threw together a cast that under any other circumstance I would really like. Isla Fisher is a funny and stunningly hot. Jesse Eisenberg is kind of a douche but he was good in The Social Network. Woody Harrelson usually has me chuckling. Michael Caine and Morgan Freeman are… well you get it. But there seems to be no actual chemistry between any of these actors. Now, like I said before I haven’t seen this movie but from what I can gander it seems like every line of dialogue was written with the thought, “Holy shit, that would sound so good in a trailer… and then a car explodes with money! Get more blow! These ideas are coming so fast!”

It’s not that think magic is lame. I used to do magic when I was in elementary school. I also used to do choir, gymnastics and musical theater. It’s just that this idea seems so implausible. I’m not saying that plausibility is necessary for a film to be a success. Hell, Weekend at Bernie’s is a movie about two friends who use their dead uncle as a puppet so they can party. It’s a fun slapstick comedy. I feel like Now You See Me is trying to make magic cool.  They are trying to pull off an Ocean’s Eleven but Danny Ocean is Jesse Eisenberg. If you look at the teaser posters for both films they are almost  identical. Magic may not be lame but it is certainly not cool. No matter how badly Criss Angel wants to believe that his eyeliner, crucifix, and strappy pants makes him the Keith Richards of card tricks- magic will never be cool.

Don’t you just want to punch this guy in the dick?

It just seems so smug. Hollywood producers saying, “Look! Look they’ll fucking watch anything. Lets make a movie about magicians who rob banks and throw in some twist at the end that will make everybody think it was deep! That’ll show those idiots.”

Maybe it isn’t terrible. The A.V. club gave it B grade. I usually agree with the A.V. Club’s assessment but I’m going to steer clear from any movie that involves the phrase, “The first rule of magic is always be the smartest in the room.” Gag me with a wand.

(I’m too frustrated to think of better magic pun)