Modern Thrill Proudly Presents the ‘Fertility Faceoff’, Sponsored by Chester’s Cheesers® Baked Snack Crackers

A few of the Modern Thrill staff writers decided to have a contest for ultimate sperm supremacy. It’s sure to be an uncomfortable and hopefully entertaining journey into the world of fertility.

We’ll be documenting the event with live streams throughout the day, with a special contest for an Amazon gift card —  details will be provided this week through our Facebook page.

In the meantime, here’s a brief overview of our contestants to help you shape your opinion. Our awkwardly eager contestants include,

Michael

modern thrill michael

PROS: Recently became an Insanity enthusiast and has the smallest beer gut out of everyone participating. Diet is diverse as he is an accomplished chef. Very sensitive.

CONS: Smoker and drinker. Has a considerably worse sleeping schedule than the other contestants.

Sam

Modern thrill sam

PROS: Stout fellow with genuine enthusiasm for life. Listens to a lot of electronic music. A bit of a mama’s boy, cares deeply for the most important woman in his life. Shapely arms with above average wrist dexterity.

CONS: Smoker and drinker. Lives in filth. Has a horrible diet that consists mainly of buttered Ramen noodles.

Ty

modern thrill Ty

PROS: Runs occasionally. Regularly turns in for bed at the same time every night unless friends are in town. Has strong reading skills. Owns a considerable amount of hats.

CONS: Drinker. Hugely cynical, generally unpleasant. Very patchy neck beard. Consumes Subway’s Smokehouse BBQ chicken sandwiches almost daily.