Larry the Dad Goes to See Spring Breakers

The old lady (my wife Carol, ha ha) decided to go out on a nice date to Olive Garden then to go see that new Spring Break movie by James Franco! I can’t believe how much white lettuce we got in our salads, SHAME ON YOU OLIVE GARDEN!! I am going to complain!

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Boy oh boy, now this movie folks—it really rustles my jimmies!!!  I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many women on the big screen without their braziers!! I will not allow my little Jessica to go to Florida, EVER, or at least not without Dad! LOL

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Every one of those kiddos on the beach was drinking from a funnel with a tube, I wonder what kind of drink that is?? It kind of looks like a billa bong. When I went to Las Vegas three years ago, boy was it wild! I kept all those goofy drink cups, I bet I am spring break ready!

Okie dokes, anyway, so the movie follows these four little ladies down to Florida where they get into all sorts of trouble. There’s even a scene where they partake in “nose candy” and expose their breasts!! This movie is not appropriate for teens!

Then this fellow with lots of silver fillings in his mouth and braided hair comes along and oh boy, it’s a parent’s worst nightmare!! Somebody should tell him to lay off the Twizzlers  I can hardly understand what him or his funny looking friends with big shorts are saying half the time. I don’t get it, is this what the kids like these days?? I should start wearing my blue blockers more often!!

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Oh, and there was a scene where they went to the nudie bar and a man had an ICE CREAM CONE TATTOO ON HIS FACE HA HA, as if anyone would do that!! Get a life!! Those women in that gentlemen’s club were sure large and in charge with derrieres like those, they must have back problems. I would recommend a good pair of orthopedic shoes and maybe some bigger underpants.

Oh, the worst part about this movie was that music, if you want to call that robot fart noise music!! I kept plugging my ears during all that washing machine noise, so I wouldn’t have to hear it. I don’t understand anything about this movie!! Freaks!!