Stop Selling Me Things, iPad Apps

You’ve gone too far, iPad Apps.

During the holiday I took the liberty of downloading Plants vs Zombies 2 — one of the more addicting tower defense games I’ve come across. Sadly, the most glaring new feature here was around virtually every corner of the screen I had the ability to purchase items in the game.

Even if I avoid the ‘shop’ buttons altogether, every few minutes a popup will suggest to me I can enrich my experience just by purchasing more things. This is obviously quite aggravating when you’re just trying to pass the time on the toilet. Just being real.

For the low, low price of just $20, I could wield the power posses enough virtually rendered coins to breeze through a level or two. I’m not entirely sure how you live your life, gentle reader, but I can think of a whole hell of a lot better ways to burn an Andrew Jackson — multiple delicious sandwiches being one such method. So who the hell buys this stuff?

I gave my girlfriend plenty of grief when I heard she spent $1 to advance to the next segment of Candy Crush. Although that tune of money is a far cry from what PvZ2 was asking for the title of Master of Coin, spending money on a game you already paid for in the first place in many cases just seems ridiculous to me.

This trend is virtually everywhere you look in gaming. Many games delivered for tablets and smartphones only allow you a full experience if you’re prepared to pay or, even worse, spread their product like a virus to your friends through social media channels. The flood of Candy Crush requests I receive through Facebook makes it all the more enticing to deactivate my profile completely.

I won’t call in-game purchases an ingenious marketing move considering how it’s turning so many people off. I should also mention this system alarmingly seems to target young kids who have access to their parent’s login information and a loose grip on reality.