Carnival Cruise Disaster
Carnival became a nightmare at sea for thousands of passengers early this year, the major cruise liner completely losing power. The lack of air conditioning paired with toilets that ‘backed up all over the deck’ basically amounted to a shitty vacation for many unfortunate folks.
Justin Bieber Wins Milestone Award
While the Grammy’s are undoubtedly terrible, at least they can say they didn’t reward the most entitled 19-year-old in existence with any innovation awards. To say that Justin Bieber is a milestone in music is to say that Twilight was a landmark literary achievement. What explains this brazen lapse in judgment? The Billboard Music Awards are based off fan voting. Mercifully, tween girls don’t dictate the entirety of history. If there’s any consolation to this whole thing, it’s that the Bieb’s milestone moment was tarnished by a gaggle of boo birds.
The North Korean Threat
There’s something about threatening nuclear war every other day that makes it hard to take seriously. It doesn’t help that the North Korean propaganda department are issuing these threats in the form of an early 90’s screensaver. There’s no telling when Kim Jong-un will end the tirade, but for comedic purposes we hope the UN doesn’t totally cock block us.
The ‘Free Jahar’ Twitter Movement
The evidence that tween girls are ushering humanity into the final ring of hell is overwhelming. Case in point, the Twitter ‘Free Jahar’ movement, mostly composed of impressionable young females that argue the sole surviving Boston bomber is ‘too hot to be guilty’. Happily, our judicial system, however skewed it is, isn’t based around middle school politics.
The Obama Administration Scandals
Seems like bad news just keeps pouring out of Washington in recent weeks, mainly stemming from an IRS scandal that unfairly targeted individuals based off political motivations. Depending on how this all goes down, these scandals could potentially mar the president’s entire legacy. With a rather inept congress in play, it remains to be seen how much change the Obama administration can bring about in the few remaining years of their activity.
All right, seriously, what the fuck was this? Having received an impressive 4% on Rotten Tomatoes, perhaps Movie 43 can best just be considered the worst movie of 2013 by a landslide. Allegedly, the star-studded cast, touting such A-listers as Naomi Watts and Emma Stone, were made to feel guilty unless they climbed aboard this ‘passion project’. Many scenes were filmed over years on account of the cast pushing it off. Unfortunately, Movie 43 still clawed itself into existence.
Amy’s Baking Company
Amy Bouzaglo and her husband grabbed the national spotlight one week in May during the season finale of Kitchen Nightmares, the Gordon Ramsay anchored UK crossover. The American public watched with morbid fascination as Amy had a breakdown of blockbuster proportions, taking to social media sites to spew her highly concentrated venom. As it so happens, Amy and Co. are set to ‘re-open’ their infamous operation tomorrow. The saga continues.