The Thought Process Behind Staying Up Entirely Too Late

7:00 pm

This is going to be great. Finally, a night to myself. I’m not going to do anything. I’m ordering a pizza, having a couple beers and screening all of my phone calls. Besides, there’s a marathon of Breaking Bad on right now. That show is amazing. I can’t believe how good it is. It’s better than Mad Men it’s so god damn good. All they do in Mad Men is drink and smoke cigarettes in expensive suits anyway. This is going to be awesome.

9:34 pm

I’m so bored. I’ve been sitting down too long. I should do something. Maybe I’ll go for a run. Why not? I’ve been talking about it forever.

9:35 pm

Ugh, I hate Facebook. I don’t even know this girl on my newsfeed. Who the hell is Martina? Whatever. She doesn’t post that often I guess. Oh, well, look at that. That asshole guy I’m not friends with anymore is having a blast somewhere at a bar. Cool photo, bro. Who’s that girl at the end there? She looks pretty cute … I wonder if she has any other photos on public view.

Only three photos? Whatever. Wow, she’s definitely cute though. She’s pretty hot here. Look at that swimsuit picture. Good lord. Nice.

10:10 pm

All this time to myself, I should try to do something productive. I should read. I need to finish that book. God, I stopped reading it like weeks ago. Do I even remember what’s happening? Whatever. I’ll finish it tonight, I’ll get it done and find something else I really want to read.

10:13 pm

God, Homeland is awesome. It’s like the Wire, except it’s got the guy from Band of Brothers. And Claire Danes. Is Claire Danes attractive? She looks really pretty here. But god … her crying face. Woof. I can’t decide if she’s attractive. Hey, she was in that movie with Leonardo DiCaprio. Nice. That guy is a good actor. When’s that Great Gatsby movie coming out? That’s going to be terrible.

11:41 pm

There’s nothing on Reddit tonight. Man … all these blue links are worthless. What is this confession bear thing? God, how is that on the front page? It’s not even funny, it’s just an observation.

12:04 am

Shit, it’s midnight? I’m supposed to be up kind of early tomorrow. I should get to sleep soon here. I’m pretty tired.

12:36 am

I should eat something, I’m starving. Bagel bites, perfect. God, these are delicious. I need to cook them less this time around, that sucked when all the ones on the sides got all stiff and stuff. So rad. I should put some sriracha on these bad boys.

1:13 am

The hell is this? An infomercial for … a toothbrush … that’s a razor? … I wonder if that actually works…

3:00 am

I should really go to bed soon.